A Big Surprise

It has been almost one week now.

My wife has taken pregnancy tests, 3 times, all turned out positive.

She insisted to see the doctor first, before we can be 100% sure if she is pregnant or not.

But I couldn't help but think, am I ready to be a parent? Will I be a good father? 

I, myself, never think that I've had a good role model of my father. But all in all, he is a good man, and that's what he is. In a way, I feel that I am in a dark room without any direction right now. 

...

A few days ago I re-watched The Godfather movie, and this quote just sticks to my head as ever: "A man who doesn't spend his time with his family can never be a real man."

My wife has been experiencing "sickness" daily now, and it pains me to see her this way. Since we were together, I told myself that I would never, ever, think of doing something that ultimately will make her sick this way. It saddens me deeply.

Meanwhile, best I could do right now is writing what I feel about myself. After coding for a few hours. Yeah, it's pathetic. I know. 

I am a workaholic. Perhaps, an alcoholic as well. I don't blame anyone for this but myself.

I don't know.

But what I would like to wish right now, is that the best health to my wife, and if she is indeed pregnant, the best to my future son/daughter. Mine wouldn't matter. I would give anything to them. Anything.

I've told you that if you are indeed pregnant, this would be the best 9 months you'll ever have in your whole life, and I intend to keep that promise. 

I love you with all my heart.